At the Precipice

Sitting in my room watching Love & Basketball. Thinking about you. Now that things are coming closer to being a reality, I get more and more scared. I was recently reading about the lessons I've come to this earth to learn and teach. When it comes to learning, my lesson is how to accept love. I have a tendency to detach from real love. The fear I have is so large. The idea that we could actually be together. To know that someone on this lonely little planet truly loves me no matter what. Its almost like I don't deserve it. I chase fame. I chase pussy. I drink and smoke and take poor care of my health. I'm such an imperfect being.

But when I was a 14 year-old kid scared of sharing my thoughts with anyone in this new environment. You were there. When I was at the brink of despair, you grabbed Sami, jumped in your marvin, and came to see me. I remember that after that visit, you sent me a letter that I never received. When we spoke a few weeks later you had an AT-TI-TUDE. Come to find out, the letter was your expression of missing my presence and wanting to talk about being together again... It just wasn't time.

Whats funny is that the both of us have always talked about our story with each other. Its just so interesting. It has taken some serious turns that neither of us knew were coming. The constant is that when we look back at each other at the end of each phase - we are still in love. No matter the plot, the ending is the same. And when I sat across from you in Rosebud and we broke bread like we always do, I knew I still loved you. That love made us miss planes when we were doing the long distance thing. And like magic - I missed my plane back to NYC. I didn't even TRY to get another one. I was so happy to find out I could spend another night.

Bird... how about we try to see what life has left for us together? I'm on my way. Just know at this very moment. I am thinking of you.