A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with One Step

I can't believe that I created this. What's more is that I can't believe that I'm actually writing here. The truth of the matter is that I don't feel like its appropriate for me to talk to you right now for a number of reasons. At the top of that list is the fact that I'm not ready to. What you deserve is respect. And when I left initially, I thought that I was going to return with some. The longer I stay our here... Miles away from you, I realize what you could tell over time. That I'm not actually making any efforts to "get right". From an outsider's perspective it seems as if I just chose another life. And until today that outsider would have been considered endowed with 20/20 vision. The fact is, I DO have the power to change this. My adjustment to change was to feel so resistant to it so as to ignore it completely. There is nothing about the way that I was living my life up to THIS DAY that would place in motion the events that would lead me back to you with this "salvation" it seems I'm desparately searching for. But this day is different. This day I become a active participant in my life. I have had a dream of my proposal to you. We would be at dinner. The waiter would bring out dessert on one of those silver platters with a dome top on it. You would begin to get suspicious, but only becuase you hadn't ordered dessert and I had one of those cunning looks on my face. The waiter would remove the top to reveal the sweet... A ring pop. As you sit bewildered, I'd grab the ring pop and get down on one knee and inadvertantly slip the real ring in the same hand as the ring pop. I'd tell you how much you have always meant to my heart... even when I head was too stupid to realize. And then I'd slip both rings on your hand. You would be nervously laughing this entire time, not knowing if I were serious. In the back of your mind you are saying "if this is a joke I'm gonna fucking KILL HIM!". Then you would look at your hand and see the ring. Then your heart and stomach will drop. And you'll look at me tearfully.

And then you'll say...