The Travel Prayer

Today, I left New York to come to Winston-Salem North Carolina. I was thinking about you non-stop. I texted you to share the traveler’s prayer and hopefully alleviate some tensions between us. A little more than a week ago (by now I guess two weeks) I had called two times in a row asking for your work address. I had this thought in my head of sending you a bouquet of flowers. Valentine’s Day was rapidly approaching and I didn’t want you to be left out… in fact I wanted you to be able to show off at work specifically. Now I have a habit of leaping before I look. And in this case (as in most) it turns out to have disastrous consequences. In this case, it prompted you to call me and make a decision that you no longer want to talk to me. As you communicated it to me, the entire ordeal was childish. “I work for the Chicago Transit Authority… FUCKING LOOK IT UP!”

In retrospect you were right. I realize now that it was pointless to have called in the first place because not only could I have looked it up but Valentine’s Day was actually on a Saturday. Had I thought about this thoroughly before hand, I probably would not have called. And maybe more than anything, that’s what you were upset about; the lack of thought that I put into my actions when it comes to you, especially given the circumstance that we are in. I have a lot to prove to you. So any blunder, no matter how small is merely foundation for whatever it is that you are currently thinking about my character. I’m not going to get into what you think because to be honest, I’m not exactly sure. The point is that night you decided that you were finished.

So on to today’s conversation. It had been plaguing me that I just let you assume that I was making a childish attempt to call so that I could get in good with you. I wanted you to know that I had the best of intentions. Your response was
“Stop it. If you wanted to send me flowers you would have done it. I’m not hard to find. You didn’t need anything from me.”

To tell you the honest truth, it really hurt. I guess the road to hell is paved with my “good intentions”. That just aint good enough. I hope one day you can relieve yourself and that hatred in your heart you have for me. One day…

May God watch between me and thee, while we're absent, one from the other.

Amen